Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
