Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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