hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I am midnight drunk by noon
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
