I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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