May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Alive.
So much puke
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
