This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
