who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex on a dog bed..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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