The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
