i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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