he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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