If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
