she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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