I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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