call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize