I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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