Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
