Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
