he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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