omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
