Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize