I think I died a long time ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
