Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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