Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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