Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
