I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
