How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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