ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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