I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
