Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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