wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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