You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
