so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
