Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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