sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize