i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dick very happy bro
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
