I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
