mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
