I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
