So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
