Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
