what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
