I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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