I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
