You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
