He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
