I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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