we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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