i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
