I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
