I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
