fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
