I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's blow job season.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
