She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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