he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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