There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
