this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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