dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
