You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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