How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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