So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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