Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
