I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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