If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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