I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
