did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize