you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
