Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
