Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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