You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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