It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
