I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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