you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
