did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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