i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
