My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just cut my nipple shaving
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
