what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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