You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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