My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
