whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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