i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
