Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
