apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We're using joints as your birthday candles
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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