Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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