make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
