and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
