I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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