Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
