Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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