We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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