Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize