i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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