so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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