he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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