wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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