return my video game
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
