So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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