Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
