I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
