i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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