It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
