paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
