Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
