Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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