So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
