She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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