Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We need to rekindle our bromance
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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